Updated: October 27, 2017
Issue No. 3
Depression is hard to fight. There will be moments in life wherein everything seems to be dim and gloomy. I think it’s just a phase in life that I have to experience for a reason.
For others, hitting rock bottom is like the end of all things. You always pin yourself with blame, guilt, shame, and regret. You even label yourself as a failure. “I am nothing” you say to yourself, and things seem to be futile, empty and bland.
The “Notes from the Author” section of the blog provides a glimpse of my personal life. I am an extremely private person, and only a number of people know me very well. During the earlier issues of this section, I showcased one of the main reasons why I started this blog. The intent was clear, but the meaning behind the title was vague. Simply because, I don’t want to share the real story of it due to its private and deep nature. Today, I decided to change things and be a little more open to my readers; so you can truly know why Blaine is lost.
To be honest, I had a period of depression this year. This period in my life had also pushed me to create this blog as a form of an escape and diversion from the problems I had; which bore the name “Blaine is Lost.”
Being depressed was difficult. I kept on isolating myself from others, hoping to find solutions by myself. I thought that sharing my problems with others will just add burden to other people; hence, I never opened my mouth about it. I put a mask on my face, pretending what others were expecting me to be, but everything inside was different.
It’s really hard to answer the question, why am I depressed? But it’s even more difficult, when the people around can’t even understand what you were going through. I tried to perform my best without compromise amid the demanding work atmosphere; but at the end of the day on my previous work, I just hit the sack, stared at the ceiling, and whimpered “Pagod na ko” (I’m tired). After all the efforts, I am underappreciated, and undervalued.
There were so many questions emblazoned on my mind. Why this happened? Why this, and that. The questions were limitless. Thus, I decided to end it all with courage. I passed my resignation letter, left my work clean, and started anew.
Verbalization helped me a lot in releasing the tensions that I had inside. It’s really important to have someone who will be there; just to listen. When I was down, I needed someone who’s eager to listen without judgment, bias, and prejudice. I am yearning for acceptance and understanding.
What helped me the most during this intense battle came from the spiritual support of the people that dear most to me. After all, we always succeed to every battle not because of our own prayers, but because of the prayers from other people.
I was a lost sheep, but after all the segways and turns, I realized that God is always, and consistently present. I also realized that He let me experienced such turmoil in life, so I can push myself forward like a slingshot. For every one step backward, He pushed me two or three more steps forward.
Instead of being regretful, I learned how to turn these bad experiences into opportunities for growth. I learned how to be grateful in times of having nothing. In moments of stress, I prayed “Thank you Lord for this! For I am growing! I am learning!”
Today, things are becoming better than yesterday. Traveling from different places around the country helped me a lot in conquering things that kept on holding me back. I became more open and understanding.
With this issue of “Notes from the Author,” I am giving a piece of the puzzle why I started this blog, and why I am what I am today.
From now, I will be focusing more on creating good content the way I want it to express. Things will be more open, simpler, and more personal. We also have a new simpler philosophy for this blog.
Travel. Conquer. Experience.
We travel other places to discover the beauty of our land. We conquer our own fears through traveling, and learn through experience from the people and adventures we have.
There will be also a new section in this blog entitled, “Visions of a Colorblind Photographer” or “VOCPH”. It’s quite a mouthful I know, but this section offers a deeper side of my personality. All you will see is raw emotions and stories from the places I visited, expressed through black and white photographs.
This is actually a rebirth of my award-winning original blog – “Visions of a Colorblind Photographer” now embedded under the “Blaine is Lost“ universe. You can access its content inside the “Featured” tab locate on the main menu of the website.
There’s also a separate Instagram account for VOCPH. You can follow it at http://instagram.com/vocph or search with the hashtag #vocph.
Depression is hard to fight, but we can conquer it through the help from our friends and family. Spiritual support also played a big role in conquering this phase in my life. Yesterday, I was weak. Today, I am strong, enabled by God, and ready to move forward and face another adventure in my life.
If you know someone who’s undergoing such difficulty, I encouraged you to make time and talk to that person. Let them feel that you are always there for them. Like what Rick Warren wrote from his best-selling book, The Purpose Driven Life,
Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you’ll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
Follow me all throughout my social media accounts and let’s travel, conquer and experience.
Posted in this section are the previous issues of “Notes from the Author” for archiving and filing purposes.